Shared by Judy Hurt Fite – July 2025
Presented by CustomadeCoins.com
At CustomadeCoins.com, we’re privileged to bring meaningful ideas to life through the timeless tradition of challenge coins. Each coin we create tells a story—of service, honor, memory, or strength.
Recently, we were deeply moved by a special project from Judy Hurt Fite: a Caregiving Challenge Coin designed to represent the courage and resilience of caregivers and caregivees alike. Judy’s vision was personal, powerful, and universal—and we’re honored to share her words in full here.
The Story Behind Caregiving Challenge Coin
By Judy Hurt Fite
Knowing that we are just one of literally millions of all-out caregiving situations, I’ve long felt a heart-wish for something that reminds us we’re not alone in this, and which would help me to step back for perspective and balance, plus take a deep breath while plunging onward amid constant challenges. This “something” should be instant and simple, because “time out” or quiet time for reading or working on satisfying projects just isn’t part of this bumpy downhill path!
After eight years (so far) of “giving all,” some repetitive words and images keep floating around in the back of my mind… Thinking of my husband’s challenge coin during his two tours in Vietnam, I remember how much it meant to him both then and now… He carried it in his pocket for 45 years, but lost it during a curbside stop to check the RV tires & towed vehicle. Imagine our grateful surprise when a local police officer called months later to verify Don G. Fite was the owner of the coin! The policeman on duty found it during a park festival, and it took eight months to locate Don; but they persevered – and presented it with mutual respect when we made the trip to reclaim it.
Thus, caregiving challenge coins might represent things in common while giving of self, with instant sharing of feeling whether with or without words… The message might also convey “caregiver and caregivee are a team; we’re not alone; we’ll get through this while giving all.”
I told an Army aviator friend about this vague idea. He suggested I sketch it on paper, then he would help steer me to coin maker possibilities. I also sent the sketch to a close cousin who has traveled a similar path. When she said “Spot on!” I decided to go for it.
So here we are now, my wish turned into reality! CustomadeCoins.com responsiveness was remarkable, and they’ve done a superb job translating the design sketch into a worthy challenge coin! Here’s our story behind it:
Don and I got a late start in our life together, but have been blessed with solid togetherness from the beginning.
We were in our 30s when we met; he was an Army aviator serving as Dept. of Army Systems Coordinator for the AH-1 Cobra helicopter program, stationed at the Pentagon, and I was an Army civilian working for the Aviation Systems Command. Don became the go-to guy between my office and Army headquarters. We strongly shared sense of purpose and became friends who respected and trusted what each other did.
Less than three years later, he was being reassigned to the Military Personnel Center, which jolted us into thinking we didn’t really want our friendship to expire. Cautious about doing anything foolish, we agreed for Don to come see me (driving the 950 miles) one weekend a month, until we were sure of what’s what. Our first “date” was keeping an earlier promise to take my housebound Aunt Bess on her first outing in over a year, a drive in Lewis & Clark Park along the confluence of Missouri-Mississippi Rivers. I drove us, since the 950 miles had been plenty for Don, and her “breather” apparatus occupied the front passenger seat while she & he sat in the back seat – laughing up a storm.
After 18 months of getting to fully know each other as persons beyond work-friends, we squeezed in our wedding on Leap Year Day 1980 amid Don’s pre-command courses before being shipped to Korea as 19th Aviation Battalion commander.
Due to recent assassination of the South Korean President, this was a designated combat zone (under full curfew), and thus was an unaccompanied one-year tour. But with my 15 years’ Army aviation systems experience and security clearance, we managed to get permission for me to visit him two weeks at mid-tour… This was not only wonderful personally, it provided welcome and meaningful “eyes-on” exposure to Army aviation in practice.
When Don came home, our separate military and civilian career paths happened to place us both in a six-month program management course at Defense Systems Management College. When the staff learned that we were married, they were very apprehensive and wanted to separate us. We said nonsense, it just meant we knew how to be a team! Teamwork remained part of our work lives: During the Cobra program management years, Don had the lead in the Pentagon. Five or six years later, with both of us at the Army Materiel Command, I had the lead of the Streamlined Acquisition process and he was assigned to my task force. We always viewed lead-and-follow as good; we often approached goals from different angles, but that just meant we covered more territory in reaching common-purpose decisions.
Don retired after 26 years of service and I quit-ired so that we could move to western Colorado and physically build our dream home “Solarado” out in the country – where we have now been for 37 years. Lead-and-follow included struggling through the carpentry together with minimal help, Don doing all the wiring (which left me doing some uncharted masonry) — etc. Soon after that, we stumbled into an in-home business see solarado.com and bits of RVing for pleasure along with doing arts & crafts shows plus helping see after our parents in Missouri and Virginia.
Then nineteen years ago I had a freak-accident gunshot head wound where Don saved my life “in the golden hour” without knowing what happened. He “ground-flew” me to the closest hospital, where I was placed in a coma and air-flown to the regional medical center, where I stayed unconscious ten days. When coming out of the coma, I frequently heard medical staff talking about not expecting me to survive, or if I did, to be in a vegetative state thereafter. I bristled at that, thinking “they don’t know me at all!” During the four weeks in the hospital there were two major surgeries for temporary repairs, involving lots of recovery steps where they would not tell me where we were going, what we were doing, or why. I resented this, thinking that not only could I do better, but they would learn more from the results, if they treated me as a person vs. medical object. This has assuredly stayed in my thoughts when caring for Don, who is now a captive of Parkinson’s and severe dementia. Since his physical & mental conditions regress daily no matter what, it poses double difficulty when trying to nail down what helps vs. constricts him. It also doubles the importance of considering him a real person = while patience is absolutely essential, the concept of clinical patient vs. person is a no-no!
Don took care of me – and then some! I eventually realized that the trauma of my head wound had affected him more than me – he had to wade through it that whole first month, whereas for me it was mostly a jolt before digging in to find out what and how I could do, then get on with it. Perhaps dealing with subconscious “never let it happen again” determination, he was a bit restrictive for many moons. It took real adjustments both ways to work out of it.
He began showing his bits of Parkinson’s physically and neurologically a decade ago,
but resisted any medical attention until after a minor stroke eight years ago. He had not shown any typical PTSD indications before this, although when compiling his Don’s Army Life book six years ago, we did discover that one memory he’d long told about at family gatherings had to have just been a persistent recurring dream…
One year after the TIA, he rapidly fell into drastic “losses” = near term memory,
ability to use hands for tasks, balance in walking, nighttime sleeping without bad dreams, retaining thought-lines of books or movies, and seeing anything “new” without fear/suspicion, including slipping into his POW-training mode… This is an ongoing battle fought with continuing challenges, by both caregiver and “caregivee”…
As caregivers, the minute we get something figured out, we know things will change again a short time later; we just don’t know what will change. Thus, each change is a downhill plunge, taking all our energy to trudge back uphill with fixes before the next downhill plunge = i.e., an unending roller coaster… At the same time, for the caregivee, each day brings constant round-and-round /up and down uncertainty where everything changes but adds up to sameness in limits and miseries. I’ve learned from others that this is pretty common ground for caregivers and caregivees, and would like to share the challenge coin story accordingly.
— Judy Hurt Fite, July 2025
Why This Matters
Every caregiving story is different—but the emotional terrain is often shared. Judy’s story reflects the strength and humanity of those who show up, day in and day out, for someone they love. Her Caregiving Challenge Coin is a tangible reminder: you are not alone.
If you’re inspired by this story and wish to design a custom challenge coin for your own cause, service, or journey—we’d be honored to help.
Start your custom coin project today or learn more at CustomadeCoins.com
Together, let’s help more stories like Judy’s shine.
